When Traditions Shift: What Modern Family Teaches Us About Letting the Holidays Evolve

Holidays often arrive with a long list of unspoken expectations; traditions we’ve inherited, roles we’re expected to play, and ideas about how celebrations “should” look. But for many individuals and families, these expectations can feel more overwhelming than joyful, especially in seasons of transition, stress, or change when our family circumstances don’t line up with the “ideal” picture we hold in our minds.

At our therapy center, we often hear from parents, caregivers, and kids who feel pulled between wanting the holidays to be joyful and feeling overwhelmed by the expectations surrounding them. Sometimes what used to work no longer fits. Sometimes the people we celebrate with have changed. And sometimes, the season we’re in simply calls for something different.

One of the clearest, most relatable pop culture examples of this comes from Modern Family’s episode “Express Christmas.” Though humorous and lighthearted, the episode offers gentle lessons about flexibility, emotional attunement, and allowing new traditions to form when old ones no longer fit.

When the Expected Doesn’t Happen

In this episode, the extended family realizes they won’t all be together on December 25th. At first, there’s disappointment as this isn’t what the holiday is “supposed” to look like. But instead of giving up, they decide to create a new tradition: celebrating Christmas on that very same day, just hours after the idea is born.

This sudden change sets the stage for a chaotic rush of holiday tasks, but underneath the comedy lies a message many families need this season: It’s okay when a holiday can’t look the way it always has. What matters most is connection.

Families evolve. Jobs, relationships, health, finances, and emotional needs shift. When we allow traditions to shift with us, we create space for less stress and more genuine joy.

When Family Members Have Different Expectations

In the episode, each character has their own vision of what the day should be. Phil wants magic. Claire wants order. Cam wants sparkle. Gloria wants tradition. The kids have their own ideas too.

This is true in many households.

Children may imagine surprises and treats. Parents may wish for calm or connection. Extended family may hold onto older traditions. Some may want big gatherings; others need something quieter.

These differences are not problems; they are opportunities for understanding. When families slow down enough to notice each person’s needs, it becomes easier to create a holiday that feels meaningful rather than pressured.

Things Go Wrong… and Still Turn Out Right

As “Express Christmas” unfolds, in true comedy fashion, everything that can go wrong does go wrong: lost gifts, burned food, mishaps during the preparation. Yet the turning point arrives when the family realizes something true in many households:

The most memorable parts of the holidays are rarely the polished ones. They’re the messy, human, imperfect moments we share together.

When expectations loosen, people can show up as themselves. And often, connection emerges more naturally when no one is trying to create a “perfect” holiday.

New Traditions Are Born When We Let Go of Old Pressure

By the end of the episode, the family is together - laughing, supporting one another, and making the most of a day that looked nothing like past Christmases. What began as a disappointment becomes something warm, funny, and meaningful.

This mirrors what we often see in family therapy:

• Families can redefine what “together” means

• Children benefit from flexibility and attunement

• New rituals can grow out of unexpected moments

• Holidays become more peaceful when perfection stops being the goal

• Meaning is found in presence, not performance

  
  

Your family does not have to celebrate the way you always have. Your traditions can shift, soften, simplify, or expand. You are allowed to make space for what feels nurturing in the season you’re in today.

Nevertheless, if your family is navigating a shift or change this season, big or small, it can help to name what’s happening openly:

• “This year feels different.”

• “Let’s decide together what we want this holiday to look like.”

• “How can we make this season feel good enough for all of us?”

These conversations model emotional flexibility for children and support connection. Holidays do not have to look perfect to be meaningful.They have to feel authentic.

A Holiday Season That Fits Your Family in the Now

If your traditions are changing this year, this may involve both loss alongside the possibility of something new. As you move through this season, we hope you feel permission to celebrate in ways that feel grounding, meaningful, and right for your family in this moment. Traditions can evolve, just as families do, and sometimes the most memorable parts of the holidays come from the unexpected, the imperfect, and the deeply human moments of being together.

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A self-described geek, Maria Laquerre-Diego is a CEO and Owner who is committed to increasing access to mental health services and breaking down the stigma surrounding therapy services. As a therapist turned CEO, Maria has developed a unique perspective when it comes to mental health and the barriers surrounding mental health treatment. Influenced by her time at New Mexico State University in the Family and Consumer Science department and the University of New Hampshire’s Marriage and Family Therapy department, Maria has turned her dedication to giving back and supporting future generations of therapists. In addition to supporting mental health providers, Maria takes an active role in addressing the continued stigma of mental health services through the use of pop culture – everything from movies and television shows to superheroes and Disney characters. Maria has spoken about mental health at several local events, has served as an officer on professional boards, and has provided training to clinicians all over the country while maintaining her and her family’s roots as Aggies! Outside of the office, Maria can be found spending time with her family and loved ones, exploring the world through travel, and creating cosplays for herself, her husband, and their two little ones. Maria is always happy to talk about Star Wars, Marvel, and mental health and can be contacted through her practice website www.anewhopetc.org