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What Is Relationship Load?

I read a really good article the other day about how much we take on in our lives and how it can overload us to the point where we can’t do simple tasks. Why do we do this to ourselves? I think the need for “underloading” has come and I think there’s also a need to underload in your relationship as well.

What the heck am I talking about when I say underload in your relationship? I have talked time and time again about the following:


Did you think I was going to say stop fighting? That’s not funny at all. Realistically you’re going to fight. Just fight about what is at hand. If you’re bringing everything your partner’s done in the past few years into it, stop it and refocus on what is really bothering you right now. Then make up quick so you can have some peace in your life.


Will you please ask each other out on dates? Switch off, plan things, get a babysitter or switch off with another family, have dates at home, whatever it takes, but just spend time together.

Break Time

As great as it is to date and enjoy each other company, it’s equally important to spend time alone and/or with friends. Trust me, you’ll learn to appreciate your partner more when you’re apart than when your together!


Throw out the rule-book and the thought that you do more than your partner. For the most part, you’re both stressed to the max and doing a lot. Go over the schedules and see who’s going to do what that week


Cook meals together. Eat them together. Plan them together. If you’re too busy to plan and cook, then look into a meal delivery service and enjoy time together by connecting when eating.


Both of you love your children the same. If you’re doing more than you can handle, talk about it and work on a different schedule than you have.

What’s Your Load? Your relationship load should be only as much so you can still enjoy your partner. If you’re not enjoying each other then it’s time to stop, understand that you’re overloaded and do something different.

Take that load off and enjoy quality time together!

If you’re wondering if your communication is on target, take the communication/intimacy quiz here.


Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte, DMFT, LMHC, LMFT, a therapist in practice in Parkland, FL, specializes in working with couples.  She is an expert on showing couples how to stop fighting and start communicating. Her passion is couples, and she has dedicated her work to exclusively working with couples.  Her speciality is affair recovery and uses the Atone/Attune/Attach Method, learned from in-person training with Julie and John Gottman. Learn more about her style at

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